journal - 31 Job shadowing

I job shadowed at Memorial Health System on the 3G surgical/medical floor.  Let me tell you, I had no idea that I was going to experience all of the things that I experienced while I was job shadowing.  I shadowed an RN named Robbin, and also spent time with her LPN, LaDonna.  Robbin and LaDonna were in charge of seven rooms on their floor, and Robbin had three rooms that she was in charge of herself.  Robbin was working a shift from seven in the morning to seven in the evening, and she worked three shifts a week.  I, however, shadowed her only from ten in the morning until two in the afternoon, plus, I took a lunch break.  The entire time that I shadowed, Robin and I were running around from room to room on her floor. Robin had to take requests from the patients, check how they were doing, fill their medicine, and do so many other things.  They had to do EVERYTHING for the patients.  It was like Robbin was a mom for all seven of her patients.  During that day I saw a lot of things..... When the job shadowing form said that the shadower might come in contact with blood, bodily fluids, and nudity, they definitely were not kidding.  I saw and/or came into contact with all of those things.  I was extremely surprised that I got to witness all of those things.  It seemed that because I was job shadowing, I had like an all access pass to witness anything in the hospital.  I even got to go into the radiology room and look at x-rays that the patients were not even allowed to see yet.  It was a very neat day.  I think that nursing might be a good fit for me.  I can handle any of the things that some people may think are nasty, and thankfully I have had a lot of experience with those thing because of all of the babysitting that I have done.  I also think that I have the mental capacity to keep track of all of the patients and remember who I am supposed to help with what, and so forth.  There are, however, a few things that concern me about the nursing career.  Firstly, there is some math and chemistry abilities that is required for the job.  For example, whenever Robbin was filling a drug for someone's IV, she had to use chemistry and math.  The drugs came in 2 mL containers, and from that she had to extract only .2 mL, and then dilute it with saline solution for four times the amount of drug that she withdrew.  That is the only thing that majorly concerns me, but when you do it all the time, I'm sure you get used to it.  Also, I think I would get bored and run down with nursing, but maybe  I can do it for a few years and then open a clinic in another country, or an orphanage or do something exciting like that.

"If we Must Die" Modernism

If We Must Die

If we must die, let it not be like hogs
Hunted and penned in an inglorious spot,
While round us bark the mad and hungry dogs,
Making their mock at our accursèd lot.
If we must die, O let us nobly die,
So that our precious blood may not be shed
In vain; then even the monsters we defy
Shall be constrained to honor us though dead!
O kinsmen! we must meet the common foe!
Though far outnumbered let us show us brave,
And for their thousand blows deal one death-blow!
What though before us lies the open grave?
Like men we'll face the murderous, cowardly pack,
Pressed to the wall, dying, but fighting back!  
-Claude McKay 

 Werlock, Abby H. P. "modernism." The Facts On File Companion to the American Short Story, Second Edition. New York: Facts On File, Inc., 2009. Bloom's Literary Reference Online. Facts On File, Inc. http://www.fofweb.com/activelink2.asp?ItemID=WE54&SID=5&iPin= CASS589&SingleRecord=True (accessed May 4, 2012).

journal - 30

http://whitmanarchive.org/published/LG/1891/poems/341

So far, out of all the poems I have read by Walt Whitman, "Life" is my favorite one so far. Life is a poem that pertains to all human beings.

Ever the undiscouraged, resolute, struggling soul of man;

(Have former armies fail'd? then we send fresh armies—and fresh again;)

Ever the grappled mystery of all earth's ages old or new;

Ever the eager eyes, hurrahs, the welcome-clapping hands, the loud applause;

Ever the soul dissatisfied, curious, unconvinced at last;

Struggling to-day the same—battling the same.

In the first stanza, Whitman brings up the souls of everyone and identifies that all of us struggle inwardly and become discouraged at times. Whitman is suggesting that it is a part of our human nature for us to become discouraged. He also asks if former armies have failed. Which, they obviously have. And he says that we continue to send in fresh troops when armies fail. I think this implies that everyone fails, but we have to pick up again and keep moving forward and not get down about ourselves that things aren't working the way we wanted them to.

Then Whitman talks about a mystery of the earth. Some mystery that we all grapple with deep down inside. It is a mystery that society has forever struggled with and continues to. We all have eager eyes searching to see what the truth is and we watch others to see how they react to this topic, to see if they welcome it or not. I think that the mystery Whitman refers to is if God is for real or not.

In the third and final stanza, Whitman again brings up the dissatisfied soul. He remarks that it can be unconvinced, which I believe means unconvinced of God, and it be left unsatisfied. He also says that we all struggle over and over again with this topic.

This is my favorite poem by Walt Whitman so far because it deals with an issue that lies within us all. We all do grapple with the belief in God and how much we value that belief and what we think the consequences will be. That is human nature to struggle with that and to remain dissatisfied if we do not find belief and trust in God. I think this poem is very true of us all, and it is personal to every single person, which is why it is my favorite.

Chanting the Square Deific

In the poem "Chanting the Square Deific", Whitman's self spirituality is portrayed (Whitman). This is done through him telling of his spiritual beliefs. He describes at length his spiritual hierarchy, so to speak (Whitman). Deity can be described as "divine character or nature, especially that of the Supreme Being; divinity" (Deity). Therefore, Whitman's poem is referring to what he believes to be the character and nature of the Supreme Being, or God, and is described in four sects, not three like the Christian Church (Oliver). The four Deifics that Whitman believes in are God, Christ, Satan, and the soul.

In the first stanza, Whitman describes in short what he believes is the nature of God (Whitman). He firstly describes God as Jehovah, which in the Bible is the Old Testament name for God (Whitman) (Jehovah). Whitman says that God also describes himself as Old Braham, Kronos and Saturnius (Whitman). Braham, Kronos and Saturnius are what people believe are a Hindu god, Titan god, and Roman god (Oliver). Whitman also describes God in a harsh way (Whitman). He says that god kills whoever sins (Whitman).

The second stanza tells of Whitman's belief in the second deific, which is the Christ. Whitman says that Christ is the consolator most mild, which would be like a tender comforter (Whitman). Whitman describes Christ as a mightier god than God. Whitman says that Christ takes away all of our sorrow, labor, and suffering. He also says that Christ 's sweet love never dies. Whitman also says that Christ is the promised one advancing (Whitman). This most likely means that Whitman believes Jesus Christ is coming back, as is the Christian belief. It is ironic that Whitman holds Christian beliefs, yet believes in a "quaternity" not a trinity, as Christians do (Oliver).

In the third stanza, Whitman describes his beliefs of Satan (Whitman). In comparison to Jesus, Whitman says that Satan is "aloof, dissatisfying, plotting revolt". Whitman says that Satan is the comrade of criminals and the brother to slaves (Whitman). These things seem to be opposites. It is understandable to call Satan a friend of criminals, that makes sense. But calling him a brother to slaves is indicating that he has a soft heart for the downtrodden (Oliver). Satan is the opposite of everything that God is. So for Whitman to include Satan in his square deific is like neutralizing the deific and balancing it between good and evil (Oliver).

Lastly, Whitman describes the soul, which he describes him as he would describe the holy Holy Spirit (Whitman). Except, the soul that Whitman describes is more broad than the Holy Spirit. He describes it as a general soul (Whitman). The soul is opposite Jesus in the square deific. But, it is also including God, Jesus, and Satan. The soul as Whitman describes it is an all inclusive thing, which includes all spiritual things in all realms (Whitman).

In describing his beliefs in the Father, Son, Satan and the Holy Spirit, Whitman was defining himself. Self is a culmination of who you think you are, how others see you, and your spiritual being within you. Therefore, by defining his beliefs, Whitman was in turn defining himself.

"The Walt Whitman Archive." CHANTING THE SQUARE DEIFIC. (Leaves of Grass [1891-1892]) -. Web. 04 Apr. 2012. .

Oliver, Charles M. "'Chanting the Square Deific'." Critical Companion to Walt Whitman: A Literary Reference to His Life and Work, Critical Companion. New York: Facts On File, Inc., 2005. Bloom's Literary Reference Online. Facts On File, Inc. http://www.fofweb.com/activelink2.asp?ItemID=WE54&SID=5&iPin= CCWW082&SingleRecord=True (accessed

April 4, 2012).

"Deity." Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com. Web. 04 Apr. 2012. .

"Jehovah." Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com. Web. 04 Apr. 2012. .

journal - 29

Self can be defined as your soul, your self, and the real you. Soul is your spiritual self. The self is like your personality and self-perception. How you view yourself can sometimes be very different than how others view you, which is what I referred to as the real you. Which is other's perceptions of you and what the reality is of who you are. First and foremost who I am is a Christian. It sounds like an escape route from thinking deeply, but in fact my faith is the biggest factor in defining who I am. Down to my innermost being I am a Christian, and that is something that nobody can take away from me. Because I am a Christian I am able to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and have self control. Without being a Christian, I would not be able to be all of those things. Although I do not always do a great job at being all of those things, I have the capability and strive to be those things. Secondly, I am a Demczak. To me, this is big. This means many things. It means that I need to continue the family name of a good work ethic, strong character, and servant of God. Also, with being a Demczak, I am Alex's little sister. That has defined me and helped make me who I am today. If it weren't for the good example my brother had set and him pressing me to follow in his good example, I would not have as high of character that I do today. Thirdly, I am an athlete. To me, this means that I work hard. I try to let nothing go into my body that is not honoring to God, and therefore what comes out of me is hopefully honoring to God. I compete for the Glory of God. God created me to be able to run, so I run my best. Because I can. Another thing that defines me, is that I am a servant. I serve the Lord first and foremost. But I also am here to serve others. This has been one of my roles growing up, and it brings fulfillment to my heart to serve others. I am a person who requires much self reflection to keep my emotional self at its equilibrium. I am not quiet in my nature, but need quiet time with just me and my God every day to function. This is who I am.

Dickinson poem- partner

In the first stanza of the poem, Emily Dickinson says “The MURMURING of bees has ceased; but murmuring of some posterior, prophetic, has simultaneous come”(Dickinson). When the sound of the buzzing of bees stops, it is in winter. Winter is when the bees go into their nest and do not come out into the brisk air(Dickinson). And even, many bees die, and leave their larvae to be the next generation when they hatch in the spring. In saying that the bees no longer murmur, Emily Dickinson is saying that the end of spring has come. However, she is also saying that there is now a new murmur that has come at the same time that the murmurs of the bees left. This is referring to the beginning of winter(Dickinson).

The second and final stanza says, “The lower metres of the year, when nature’s laugh is done, the Revelations of the book whose Genesis is June” (Dickinson). It is saying that the last months of the year are present and nature is no longer bright and vibrant like in wonderful summertime. When referring to Revelations, that means ending, and when referring to Genesis, she means beginning. She is saying that the beginning of the summer is June, but it has now come to its end. Winter is here (Dickinson).

This poem uses many symbols and round about ways of stating something that could be simply stated in plain words (Dickinson). But the almost cryptic word choice makes this poem intriguing and neat. Also, Dickinson uses many words that relate to the Bible. She uses words like prophetic, Genesis, and Revelation. This is interesting, for Dickinson faced an inward battle between relying on God and relying on herself (Dickinson).

"111. The Murmuring of Bees Has Ceased. Part Two: Nature. Dickinson, Emily. 1924. Complete Poems." 111. “The Murmuring of Bees Has Ceased.” Part Two: Nature. Dickinson, Emily. 1924. Complete Poems. Web. 28 Mar. 2012. .

Emily Dickinson's poem "I have not told my garden yet" is one of the saddest poems one could imagine Emily Dickinson writing, but apparently she did not care because she wrote it anyway. It is about a woman who knows she is going to die, but cannot tell the places she goes about it. The places are personified because Dickinson felt such a strong connection with them, and in her solitary life they meant more to her than most people did.

Emily Dickinson really loved nature, especially her garden, and spent a lot of time in it. She never really left the grounds of her house, so she did not exactly have much of a social life. These places that were important to her became like friends to her. Just as one would have trouble telling a friend about something as terrible as that, Dickinson has trouble with the feeling that her favorite places will some how find out about it.

Even in this really depressing poem, it is clear that Dickinson is not really too hurt about death. She was a very free thinker, and instead of describing death as resting or ceasing to exist, she describes it as walking (Dickinson 16). She felt that death was not just sitting around bored, but was an active state with engaging things to do. What Dickinson thought those things were can only be guessed at, but it was clear that even though her death saddened her, she still had hope about what was coming next.


Dickinson, Emily. "I Have Not Told My Garden Yet, by Emily Dickinson." Poetry Archive. Web. 27 Mar. 2012.

journal - 28

This poem is about a woman who is on her death bed. She is in a quiet room of crying people who are all waiting for her to die. She is finally ready to die, and she is giving away all of her material possessions to the people in the room. While she is giving away her things, what she can leave behind when she dies, a fly flew above her and caught her attention. This interrupts her while she is dying.

The first stanza says "I HEARD a fly buzz when I died; The stillness round my formWas like the stillness in the air Between the heaves of storm" (Dickinson). She is first stating what the main happening of the poem is, which is that she heard a fly buzz when she died. Also, when she refers to the stillness round her form, Ishe could be talking about the people around her bedside as she is dying. She is stating how still and awestruck they are as they await the death of this woman. They have nothing else to do but be silent. When this poem refers to heaves of storm, the author may be refering to bouts of obvious approaching death, which sends the spectators into an uncomfortable panic (Dickinson).

In the second stanza, the author says "The eyes beside had wrung them dry, and breaths were gathering sure for that last onset, when the king Be witnessed in his power" (Dickinson). This is most likely refering to the spectators of death surrounding the bead of the dying. It says that the people watching had been crying so much that they have no tears left (Dickinson). She also mentions their breath, which everyone seemed to be quietly holding in, in preparation for any second being that last second of life of the dying woman. When refering to the king, this is likely refering to God's power, which is revealed in one way through death (Dickinson).


The third stanza says, "I willed my keepsakes, signed away what portion of me I could make assignable,—and then there interposed a fly" (Dickinson). This could be refering her giving away what was left of her material possesions in her last moments of life, and then something so vastly insignificant caught her attention. A fly interrupted.

In the last stanza is "with blue, uncertain, stumbling buzz, between the light and me; and then the windows failed, and then I could not see to see" (Dickinson). The dying woman is trying to look at the fly which caught her attention, but then it is hard for her to see the fly. And then the woman dies, as she is trying to look at the fly. It is interesting how she was filled with a whole room of people who were most likely lamenting on her life, and stating profound and significant things, yet a fly is the last thing the woman notices in her life (Dickinso).



128. “I Heard a Fly Buzz When I Died.” Part Four: Time and Eternity. Dickinson, Emily. 1924. Complete Poems." 128. “I Heard a Fly Buzz When I Died.” Part Four: Time and Eternity. Dickinson, Emily. 1924. Complete Poems. Web. 28 Mar. 2012. .